Lizards in Paris

During a recent solo trip through Europe, I came across an outdoor concert near Hotel de Ville in Paris. It was about 10pm and after a lovely meal of onion soup I was ready to return to my hostel and go to sleep. I was approached by a fellow in French, which I don't speak, and we had a sort of conversation in his broken English. He asked if I wanted to go to the concert, I replied no, I was tired, and he told me to call him. Um, we don't speak the same language. SO I gave him my email address.

The next evening he wrote to me, and we arranged to meet up the following evening. So we meet up, and start to walk. and walk. and walk. Now, I love walking, and Paris is the best place for it. but two hours later I was like "is this guy going to take me for a drink?" He kept on pointing out restaurants and bars and saying how good they were. OK. But no, we kept walking. At this point it was already 9 pm and I was starving.

Before I know it, he is like "oh. look, we are outside my apartment. Come up and meet my cat." I refused. He asked again, and was like "come up for five minutes" and I was like "uh. ok" like a big dumbass. To his credit, he didn't lay a finger on me.

While he was in the bathroom, I did a little looking around, and noticed plastic bins on his bookshelf. There were about five of them. and inside? LIZARDS. He collected lizards. Many of them. Creepy. And he wanted me to hold one.

In any case, I insisted we leave, and then guess what? we walked and walked some more. for another TWO HOURS. I was like truly what is the deal with this guy? We found ourselves on the banks of the Siene, and sat in a hammock. Such a romantic scene, right? No. He was the worst kisser in the history of kissing. Tried to swallow my head whole. Gross.

So he walked me back to the hostel, and asked to see me again the next night. So we could walk some more and he could lick the insides of my cheeks again? I said no.

To whom it may concern,

Please do not make me assume you have money and a good job then show up to a date with a grey tooth and lazy eye, which you should have had the money to fix. Also if my 6 yr old niece weighs more than you, you can pretty much assume I will not be going on a second date with your manorexic behind.

Some men feel the need to tell me about their entire medical histories on our first date. I recently had a guy who dropped out of med school for "personal reasons", spend the next 3 hours telling me about his meds and ailments. This was only broken up by him telling me about his family issues including a crazy sister who, and this was the topper, he and his family were basically just waiting to kill herself. A. Who says that????? B. Who says that on a first date????


What is wrong with people?

I don't understand men who feel the need to tell me their weird physical likes and dislikes. I had a guy today try and have a full conversation online with me about my calves. Asked me if I had more photos since he finds larger muscular calves a huge turn on....

Courtesy of Aliza Trencher

For those that didn't see this as a reponse to one of the earlier posts, I thought it was totally worth reposting. Thanks Ladies for your war stories! - SK

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OOOOhhhh here's a goody!

To make a (very) long story (very) short - he comes to pick me up and since he's not from NY (but here visiting) he told me to pick the place. I picked a cute Israeli style cafe local in Brooklyn where a meal ranges between 12-15 on average and he spent the first 30 hour going on and on about how expensive the food was! He insulted the waitress the whole meal, complained about the food, the service and everything else he could think of.

2. After eating our meal we were going to see a movie. I should have called it a night after his despicable display or lacking any sort of manners, but I really wanted to see the movie so I thought ok ill go to the movie and then call it. We get to the theatre and he tells me "I'm going to park. Get out. Get on line and buy the tickets. I paid for dinner this ones on you"

3. Halfway through the movie he leans over and whispers (out of nowhere) "you have beautiful breasts" I tried to pretend I was so into the movie I didn't notice but it started to be hard to ignore after he went onto "Do you want me?" EEWWW no I don't shut up and go away!

4. At the end of the night.. he was dropping me off and so I told him "Well I had a great time (not really.. but what can you do) but I just don't think were compatible. So I want to thank you for the date and I wish you luck" and his response was "well then since we aren't going to date lets just have some fun" And then I said "no. I don't want to have "fun" with you. The truth is I just think you're a very nice person at all." And to this he answers "oh God this again??? Why do women always tell me this Bullsh*t"

I left out a LOT because I can write a book about this pig but just to add one more highlight... the next morning he texts me "I want to make love to you"

Seriously??

If you can't afford to date....at least be creative

I am not saying I am a jap or snob (all the time at least) but I do expect that the first couple of dates to be treated. Even when I offer to pay my share or the tab in whole, the answer should be no!

Now, this especially holds true when my date picks a location that for all intents and purposes will require SOME sort of payment.

I went on a date with a guy, who on date #1 seemed really cool. We went to a bar on the UES, had appetizers and a couple of drinks and he payed without any thought about it all. He even wanted to continue the date and go somewhere else after...which I politely declined, thinking lets keep the date short and simple while it's still good.

The next week we planned to go on date #2, which he chose to be a Sunday day date at the Museum of Natural History. I arrive at the museum at 2:00pm as scheduled and when we get inside, I recall that I get Corporate discounts so we go up to that line and look at all the options for the museum. Do we just do the museum? Do we do IMAX? Light show? Special Exhibits??

We discuss it for a few minutes at the counter and he basically says he's up to doing whatever I want. I figured lets do it up, how often am I at the museum? The price for the full package was $26 per person. At this point, my gentleman of a date says "ummm so I got $17 to my name"..... this boy had no cash beyond that, doesn't own credit or debit cards or any other form of currency.

I should have said something like "well why dont we do something else then?" or he should have said "why dont we do the basics first?" and maybe not tell me just how broke he was....but whatever i was all excited for the museum and I shelled over the difference and paid for myself and the difference of his ticket....

Later on, we took an air break and he walked over to the hot dog cart and started riffling through his pockets looking for spare change to buy a hot dog. The generous person I am said "I got it!" and paid for the dog. At that point I decided to ask him if he had no more money how he was gonna eat that night......"Mom is ordering chinese for us" was the answer to that.

Suffice it to say DATE #2 was the last date.........

If you cant afford to go out thats fine, but then plan a cheap date. There are plenty of things to do in NYC that require no more than $17 and I wouldnt have had to feel bad the whole time.

If your date asks at the end of the night "soooo are we gonna make out or what?", take that as a sign of bad things to come!