So for those of you who don't know me I started my dating years in Mexico City, where going on blind dates is about as routine as changing your underwear...
So this guy calls me and we agree to go out the next day. When he picked me up my initial thought was..."is there something off about this guy?" That should have been Red Flag #1. If you sense something is off in the first 10 seconds you still have enough time to run back inside. I went against my better instincts and whet out to dinner with this guy.
As soon as I saw him in the light I realized he looked significantly older than me. I was 19 he seemed closer to 43! Yikes!! RED FLAG #2. If he looks like he was in your fathers graduating class... call the police, there must be some law against that!
At dinner in an attempt to make conversation I asked him what sports he likes, cuz what guy doesn't like sports? Apparently this one! he responds to me by saying "I don't like sports, I'm like the gay friend that doesn't like sports." which brings me to RED FLAG #3 If the guy you are on a date with tells you he is like a gay anything... run! he somehow managed to use the "I'm like the gay friend" line 3 more times during dinner. It was then that I really noticed his outfit: A vertical bright rainbow stripped button down shirt (first 3 buttons...unbuttoned) True Religion jeans that could have been painted on him and brown loafers.... RED FLAG #4 If the guy is not only making verbal references to being gay but wearing them as well... that's your queue to run if there ever was one!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Date #2 shouldn't have to top jail visit on Date #1
I'll summarize this one in a couple of lines.
Date #1 ended with my date and I at Central Booking in downtown Brooklyn, bailing out his best friend who was picked up for Attempted Grand Theft Auto.
I know you won't be surprised by this but I ended up dating this winner for six months.....(hey, if nothing more it was definitely a uniquely exciting and mildly dangerous relationship)
Date #1 ended with my date and I at Central Booking in downtown Brooklyn, bailing out his best friend who was picked up for Attempted Grand Theft Auto.
I know you won't be surprised by this but I ended up dating this winner for six months.....(hey, if nothing more it was definitely a uniquely exciting and mildly dangerous relationship)
'Roid Rager
Note to self do not date any guy that can't put his arms down in full due to body building.
Met a hot guy who was a bodybuilder by hobby and thought it would be a hot date. We went to a local bar that played live music and were having a great conversation. He ordered ONE scotch that he kept sipping and I had a drink or two. So far so good, right?
RED FLAG #1: Every so often my date had to excuse himself to go to the bathroom, which he attributed to the "vitamins" he was taking for his workouts. After about an hour or so, we decide that maybe we should leave that bar and go elsewhere.
RED FLAG #2: We walked out of the bar and my next red flag occurred as he stumbled upon getting outside. I tried to push it aside in my head and we began walking together.
RED FLAG #3: As we got a few blocks down, my lovely date began puking on the sidewalk. Now I know some people are lightweights but come on!! He was a big dude and he had ONE drink. At this point, I have to figure out what to do with my retching date, and I remember some benches/seating area a block or two away and I practically carry him there.
We get to the benches where he proceeds to nod off and practically pass out in between episodes of throwing up and trying to kiss me which was disgusting.
So I am sitting there and it's getting later and later and I because I am nice I refuse to leave him on a bench to then get mugged or worse.......
Oops I forgot to mention that he drove in for the date from Queens to Manhattan.
Any who, it is now approaching 1 or 2am and I am trying to figure out what do with this guy and i decide that I am going to take his keys....cause clearly I am sober by then....go walk to his car by myself and drive it over to where we are sitting. After I do that I carry my dead weight of a date and throw him into the backseat of his car so he can at least sleep it off. I walk myself home and wonder WTF?!
RED FLAG #4: Nope the story doesn't end there. The next day I receive a voicemail, because duh I am not answering the phone for this fool, wherein he goes on to apologize for puking and that he had "pre-gamed" before he DROVE in from queens. So not only was he drunk when he got there, he drove drunk, and then asked if we could go out again since the date had gone badly.
Suffice it to say I never called him back.
Met a hot guy who was a bodybuilder by hobby and thought it would be a hot date. We went to a local bar that played live music and were having a great conversation. He ordered ONE scotch that he kept sipping and I had a drink or two. So far so good, right?
RED FLAG #1: Every so often my date had to excuse himself to go to the bathroom, which he attributed to the "vitamins" he was taking for his workouts. After about an hour or so, we decide that maybe we should leave that bar and go elsewhere.
RED FLAG #2: We walked out of the bar and my next red flag occurred as he stumbled upon getting outside. I tried to push it aside in my head and we began walking together.
RED FLAG #3: As we got a few blocks down, my lovely date began puking on the sidewalk. Now I know some people are lightweights but come on!! He was a big dude and he had ONE drink. At this point, I have to figure out what to do with my retching date, and I remember some benches/seating area a block or two away and I practically carry him there.
We get to the benches where he proceeds to nod off and practically pass out in between episodes of throwing up and trying to kiss me which was disgusting.
So I am sitting there and it's getting later and later and I because I am nice I refuse to leave him on a bench to then get mugged or worse.......
Oops I forgot to mention that he drove in for the date from Queens to Manhattan.
Any who, it is now approaching 1 or 2am and I am trying to figure out what do with this guy and i decide that I am going to take his keys....cause clearly I am sober by then....go walk to his car by myself and drive it over to where we are sitting. After I do that I carry my dead weight of a date and throw him into the backseat of his car so he can at least sleep it off. I walk myself home and wonder WTF?!
RED FLAG #4: Nope the story doesn't end there. The next day I receive a voicemail, because duh I am not answering the phone for this fool, wherein he goes on to apologize for puking and that he had "pre-gamed" before he DROVE in from queens. So not only was he drunk when he got there, he drove drunk, and then asked if we could go out again since the date had gone badly.
Suffice it to say I never called him back.
My First Memory of a Crazy Date
Back in college I had an early foray into online dating. I had spent a couple of nights talking to a guy who I thought seemed cool and we decided finally to make a date.
2 days later, when he came to pick me up, I already knew this would not be a dream date. I truly enjoy when pictures don't match reality.
I get in the car and begin to already ponder when this date can be over. We begin driving along and he decides to drive what I later learned was his ex's dorm. How, you ask, did I learn that? Oh well it was when he told me he wanted to check if "the car he bought the b****h was there!" (CLASSY!)
At that point I remembered that I made plans to go to the gym with my roommate and asked him to drive me home.
2 days later, when he came to pick me up, I already knew this would not be a dream date. I truly enjoy when pictures don't match reality.
I get in the car and begin to already ponder when this date can be over. We begin driving along and he decides to drive what I later learned was his ex's dorm. How, you ask, did I learn that? Oh well it was when he told me he wanted to check if "the car he bought the b****h was there!" (CLASSY!)
At that point I remembered that I made plans to go to the gym with my roommate and asked him to drive me home.
7 min in hell
I had been talking to a guy online for a couple of years. We never met because he live in Arizona, while I lived in NYC. A couple of months back, we re-connected via IM and text and it turned out he not only moved to NYC for medical school but he moved 2 buildings down from me.
One night, we are texting and it gets to be around 10:00pm and he says, "hey, since we live next door to each other, why don't we just meet up right now and go for a walk or something? you know, just to meet finally!" I figured "sure, why not?"
The plan was to meet in front of his building at 11:00pm.
I get my makeup on. Get some cute shoes on and throw together a casual but clearly well planned outfit. (you never know).
I walk next door and when he comes out, he CLEARLY had not thought to change out of whatever he was wearing. Fine he's a guy i can deal with that. We walk down the block, chatting about nothingness, get to the corner and he decides we should turn around and go somewhere back in the direction we came from. I think "ok whatever"
As we begin approaching to pass my building he says "sooooo don't you want to show me your apt?" to which i don't even look at him as I roll my eyes and respond "ummm no".
Apparently that was not the answer he was hoping for since the next words out of his mouth were "oh ok, well have a good night then" and kept on walking home.
Within 7 min of leaving my apt I was back home.....2 min later though I received a text from him continuing the text conversation we had prior to meeting up, as of the 7 minutes never happened.
I think my favorite reaction to this date was my friends husband saying "well if the date was 7 min, and he wanted to come up, just imagine the 30 seconds of pleasure you could have experienced"
..... and on that note Welcome to My Serial Dating Life!
One night, we are texting and it gets to be around 10:00pm and he says, "hey, since we live next door to each other, why don't we just meet up right now and go for a walk or something? you know, just to meet finally!" I figured "sure, why not?"
The plan was to meet in front of his building at 11:00pm.
I get my makeup on. Get some cute shoes on and throw together a casual but clearly well planned outfit. (you never know).
I walk next door and when he comes out, he CLEARLY had not thought to change out of whatever he was wearing. Fine he's a guy i can deal with that. We walk down the block, chatting about nothingness, get to the corner and he decides we should turn around and go somewhere back in the direction we came from. I think "ok whatever"
As we begin approaching to pass my building he says "sooooo don't you want to show me your apt?" to which i don't even look at him as I roll my eyes and respond "ummm no".
Apparently that was not the answer he was hoping for since the next words out of his mouth were "oh ok, well have a good night then" and kept on walking home.
Within 7 min of leaving my apt I was back home.....2 min later though I received a text from him continuing the text conversation we had prior to meeting up, as of the 7 minutes never happened.
I think my favorite reaction to this date was my friends husband saying "well if the date was 7 min, and he wanted to come up, just imagine the 30 seconds of pleasure you could have experienced"
..... and on that note Welcome to My Serial Dating Life!
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