Lizards in Paris

During a recent solo trip through Europe, I came across an outdoor concert near Hotel de Ville in Paris. It was about 10pm and after a lovely meal of onion soup I was ready to return to my hostel and go to sleep. I was approached by a fellow in French, which I don't speak, and we had a sort of conversation in his broken English. He asked if I wanted to go to the concert, I replied no, I was tired, and he told me to call him. Um, we don't speak the same language. SO I gave him my email address.

The next evening he wrote to me, and we arranged to meet up the following evening. So we meet up, and start to walk. and walk. and walk. Now, I love walking, and Paris is the best place for it. but two hours later I was like "is this guy going to take me for a drink?" He kept on pointing out restaurants and bars and saying how good they were. OK. But no, we kept walking. At this point it was already 9 pm and I was starving.

Before I know it, he is like "oh. look, we are outside my apartment. Come up and meet my cat." I refused. He asked again, and was like "come up for five minutes" and I was like "uh. ok" like a big dumbass. To his credit, he didn't lay a finger on me.

While he was in the bathroom, I did a little looking around, and noticed plastic bins on his bookshelf. There were about five of them. and inside? LIZARDS. He collected lizards. Many of them. Creepy. And he wanted me to hold one.

In any case, I insisted we leave, and then guess what? we walked and walked some more. for another TWO HOURS. I was like truly what is the deal with this guy? We found ourselves on the banks of the Siene, and sat in a hammock. Such a romantic scene, right? No. He was the worst kisser in the history of kissing. Tried to swallow my head whole. Gross.

So he walked me back to the hostel, and asked to see me again the next night. So we could walk some more and he could lick the insides of my cheeks again? I said no.