I went out to eat at an Italian restaurant owned by my friend's father. One of the waiters there was flirting with me, an older Italian gentleman whom I will call Gianni. He seemed nice enough. When we finished our meal, he gave me his number and I gave him mine. He told me to call him, which I was fine with.
He calls me the next night to talk on the phone....except we didn't talk on the phone. I listened as he yammers about himself for a half hour....a half hour...about his life, his ex wife, his 2 kids, how he came here from Italy 30 years ago and wanted to be an actor, but there was so much nepotism blah blah blah and how he works 60 hours a week and doesn't have any time for dating really, but he'll make an exception for me since when he saw me he saw a very pure heart and was astounded by my beauty and intelligence. (thanks buddy, insincere flattery will get you nowhere !) At the 20 minute mark, I actually put the phone down for a minute to get up and get something and when I came back HE WAS STILL TALKING !!!! He then proceeds to tell me how he was on the subway and a black woman (his words) read his palm and said a big love was on the way to him....and then he met me 3 days later. OK........
Then finally at the 30 minute mark, he asks, "And what about you ? Are you home watching TV ?" By this point I'm already disgusted, as it's any of his business anyway what I'm doing at 7:30 on a Sunday evening. So I say "No, I'm reading a book." He then says he still wants to take me out to eat, and then asks if I will drive to Poughkeepsie as that is where he lives on the weekends to see his children. So I say politely, no Manhattan is better for me but inwardly I am thinking there is no way in hell I'm driving to Poughkeepsie for a date with a raging egomaniac. So we hang up the phone.
The next day I get this random text from him about a story about a squirrel that he saw on his way to work that morning and how it should remind me of the beauty of life. I respond something trite like "how charming."
Two days later, the night before Thanksgiving, Gianni calls me and asks "why have your text message replies been so stingy ?" I say "Because I have been busy working." But really, it's because I feel like this guy is a severe nut case. He then asks me what I'm doing for Thanksgiving and I say I'm going at my aunt's and he invites me to Thanksgiving lunch with his kids. Um, dude, NO ! tells me that if we date, he doesn't want to sleep with me immediately because he has too much respect for me. How very gallant of him. He then asks me if I believe in God. I say "yes, why ?" He says "I have to tell you something very important. I am a Born Again Christian. Will you have a problem with that ?" I ask "what does a born again believe ?" He then goes off on another rant about Jesus and how he is the Truth and the way and the Light. Then he asks "are you ok with me being a born again ?" And I reply "No, I'm sorry that won't work for me. Good night." I hang up the phone.
I send him a text message saying "Good luck, I'm sure God will send you someone who is perfect for you. Happy Thanksgiving." He then writes back "Hey, cheer up ! I still want to take you out to a nice dinner because you have impressed me as being one (if not the only one) of the most wonderful, beautiful attractive, intelligent, smart and wise women on the planet. Without hesitation, I confess it would be the greatest honor for me. I'm positively sure you can rise to the challenge. And no, I'm not trying to lead you on." Well...ok.....I'm amazed that he knows this much about me since I BARELY SAID 10 WORDS TO THIS MAN OVER THE COURSE OF HIS EGOMANIACAL RAMBLINGS !
I don't respond. Period.
24 hours later I get this text "Still smiling ? I'm sorry to have disappointed you, but hey, look on the brighter side: we can always be good friends. What do you say ?"
Seriously ?????
I write back. "Dude u didn't disappoint me. Not going to work for me. Good luck."
And there you have it, the egomaniac who loves Jesus.
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