Happy Hump Day my Fellow Followers,
We are half way done
with the work week. A few more hours, and before you know it, you will be
clocking out on Friday to enjoy your weekend escape. Some of us single folks
are currently at work texting away with our potential dates and setting up our
weekend rendezvous. (Besides reading this blog post.) Nothing wrong with some
early planning to get ahead of the game making those clutch reservations at the
yummiest places.
Many times as I am
working on my dating life, I find myself getting, "A-G-I-N-A" or as
the true medical terminology, "Angina”, in more ways than one. I am sure I
am not the only one in the universe that has stress from all different angles
in finding the right soulmate. It can come from outside factors such as, friends,
family, or even society. Much of this lives in our own perfect little minds. How
do we turn the stress switch off and just focus on having a good time with the
person in front of us. The little wheel in my head starts turning faster and
faster, trying to analyze every possible chess move. It is all about figuring
out if the person in front of me good enough for the people that are nearest
and dear to me.
I am sure there are male
readers of this blog saying, “What sort of stress do you females have when it
comes to dating? Us, men have to do all the work.” Well men, I feel your pain as I have endured being in your role several times. But playing the female role also comes with stress, from accepting the invitation to go out, to acting ourselves, to making sure our social cues are a fit with yours. It takes two to tango in this wonderful world of dating.
There were several
dating stories I could touch upon, but I am going to hone in on one that stuck in
my mind most vividly. About a year and a half ago, I met a guy on the JSwipe
app by the name of Sam (As we will call him in this post). We had an instant
connection, both growing up in Mill Basin and attending Hebrew School at
Flatbush Park Jewish Center. (Big Ups to my old neighborhood! L’Chaim!) It
turned out that his brother and I were the same age and were possibly in some
of the same classes.
Sam was a new addition
to JSwipe because he had just returned from living abroad. (Down under 😉 Bonus points.) It’s great to see a fresh face
after swiping left on all the same individuals. We agreed one evening that we
should meet up. For an odd reason, he left it up to me to make all the plans
and arrangements. I almost thought for a moment, I would also need to pick him up
and get flowers, etc. HaHa. This was totally not a plus in my books. Even
though I may seem (actually I am) quite in the know on all great things NYC
(restaurants, bars, museum exhibition openings, galleries, cute walking
neighborhoods, etc.), I feel I should not be expected to make the arrangements
on a first date. I am quite old school, and would hope that the gentleman will
be able to pick up on my likes, dislikes. All this, so to determine a good spot
to have out first meet up. It does not have to be so elaborate or expensive. I prefer
creative dates than the generic bars and restaurants. (Than again, I shouldn’t
had been so harsh on this one, since he was just acclimating himself back into this
city.)
Sam wanted to stay local
in Brooklyn, so I suggested we could meet at a Park Slope bar called DeCoursy’s
Sidecar. (SHOUTOUT: DeCoursy’s Sidecar has their kitchen open till 4am, which
is great for those late night hours when your friends/date still need a bite
and drink. They call their cooking style “French Redneck” and for all the yummy
reasons. Enjoy their backyard patio during the warmer months. I also find this
place charming for the wall mural and beverage homage to “Dr. Tucker’s 59
Elixir”, of which my pharmaceutical geeks will love too. Also, it doesn’t hurt
that they were featured on Diners Drive-Ins and Dives TV show.)
As I sit at a booth
waiting for Sam to arrive, I receive a text message that he is nearby and
shouldn’t be too long. Well his version of too long was about 35 minutes late.
He told me when he finally arrived, he got lost and just parked the car about
15 blocks away. (Sitting, and waiting for your date to arrive is stressful. It
also made me double think of the place I chose. Was it too difficult to find?
Should I have chosen something fancier for Brooklyn? Then again it is New York.
Our city is a grid. Plus, we all have smart phones with GPS.)
Sam decided he wasn’t
hungry at an 8pm date, so we just ordered drinks through the night. We go
through the same “schpeel” of conversation as we did over our texts. At the end
of the evening, as I do on any date, I offered to pay. Odd enough, this guy
actually agreed to let me pay for the bill. (It is not a complete deal breaker
but makes me think about things moving forward.) I offered to drive him to his
vehicle and accepts the gesture. We part ways that evening with a hug.
He never asked me out
again but we became friends on Facebook. I did not expect to hear back from him
at all, but he did reach out a few times just to exchange messages. He has
liked and commented on many of my statuses. I had run into him at several
events recently and we were courteous to each other. Sam has moved on and
managed to snag a girlfriend making him finally off the market. They make a
lovely couple.
This particular date
made me experience what some of the stresses are for men in the dating world. From
determining a location to meet, to paying for the bill and providing a safe
escort and departure out of the bar. As much as we live in a society of gender
equality, some of the old school dating rituals should still be practiced. It
worked for our parents, so why should it not work for us.
On a constant daily
basis, we experience varieties of stresses that we put on ourselves. Our minds
are racing with thoughts one after the other; from dating, to work, to family,
and finance. It is an endless circle of craziness. How do we just take a step
back, and say to ourselves, “Everything will be alright.”? It is easier said
than done. For myself, a good
workout can calm the nerves, even more so than eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s
New York Super Fudge.
Find your stress
reliever, from listening to your favorite tunes, to taking a walk outside and
breathing in some fresh air. Below is a link for some tips on managing anxiety
and stress from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA). We need to take a step back and realize that some of our stresses are just not ours to focus on. It is best to just let things take its own course. In the end you may be surprised how wonderfully it all will work out.
Besos,
Ilana
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