And I thought all men love meat and alcohol...

Hello Blog Readers, 

First off, I would like to thank everyone who has reached out to me with words of praise on my recent TV debut on the Rachael Ray Show. I had been keeping it under wraps, but now that it has aired and on repeat, I can finally say that it was such a great experience. I would also like to thank everyone as well on the praise and comments on this blog I am writing. I love what I am sharing and happy to see that it is getting the attention that it is. Please continue to spread the word and if anyone would like to book me for anymore TV or public speaking events, please reach out to me. 

I thought I would tell you today about a date I had earlier this year that made me do a double take and internally curl up in a ball. So, I met this guy online (duh, because how else do people meet these days.) We start chatting up and talking about likes of music and various NYC events that we both would want to attend. He finally asks me out and I agree. He says he has tickets to an opera performance that the Manhattan School of Music is putting on in Riverside in the city and would love to take me. Now, as you are reading this, you are probably thinking, "Whoa, Ilana, this is going to be good."  And just like the rest of you, I had the same original impression. 

The day finally comes and I get myself dolled up for the evening. I hop in an uber to get uptown to the venue. He greets me out front and we walk in together and grab our seats. As the soloist begins her aria, he whispers to me asking if I enjoy the woman's voice. I tell him, she is really good. He goes on to tell me that he knows her and that they used to date back in the day but now have remained friends. Well, as you can imagine I compose myself well throughout the performance to just brush that comment to the side. (But really, who brings a date to see their ex perform?) The opera ends and says that he had planned we can grab some dinner after the performance. I agree and we walk over to a local Italian spot he knows. It was completely packed and the wait time was over an hour. (Gentlemen: Please make reservations. It will cause less hardship and totally impress us that you planned in advance.) I pull out my phone and suggest several other restaurants nearby. My date then goes on to say, "Well, as long as there are vegetarian options since I am vegetarian, and Oh, by the way I don't drink alcohol either." I think I stuttered and almost tripped in my step when he said those words. I know my personal trainer at this point is jumping for joy and would be saying this guy is a keeper. As we walk the streets to the other restaurant, I start to analyze everything that may progress further down the line if we continue to date more and more. I begin to think I would be okay with the guy being a vegetarian. He is health conscious and I think I could manage most days to stick to a plant based diet, but sneak at work for lunch some animal proteins. I like my meat. (Hey, no dirty thoughts people! LoL) But, what about the 2nd issue, he does not drink alcohol. How I am suppose to go out without having an alcoholic beverage? I mean, I am not an alcoholic, but alcohol has been used in dating for so long. It has become a dating norm to go out and meet up. I enjoy a fine wine or cocktail from time to time. But, on the other hand, he would always be "DD" and I would never have to worry how we would get home. I would feel safe. I should be respectful, and I was. On our date, I stuck to having a vegetarian meal and no alcohol all evening. The conversation was fine talking about our respective careers, families and commonalities. I did ask his reasons for being vegetarian and not drinking alcohol. He had very legit reasons to which I respect his choices. But the more we chatted, the more my head was stuck on those 2 life choices. I had already forgotten the fact that we went to see his ex girlfriend perform in an opera as a first date. 

As the gentlemen that he was, he called an uber for me to take me home. But the gentlemen that he was on the date, was not the same gentlemen post date. As like many men I have run into these days, they are nice and sweet on the date but forget the follow-up. Yet again, we left things as it was that night and I never heard back from him. Another phantom ghost disappears into the night. In the end, it was probably for the better. I know for myself it would have been a difficult thing for me to adjust to someone who is a non-alcoholic AND vegetarian, but for love you make things work. The lesson I learned from this date was that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. It's what's inside that matters. Take the time and listen to the story. Do not cross them off your list right away. There are ways to make things work. It can be a challenge, but it also can be beneficial. 

Besos, 

Ilana 

Tips to Dating in the Current Millenium from someone who is in the depths of it like you.

Dear Fellow Blog Readers,

Dating in today's time is way different from when our parents were held for auction to the highest bid or even from ten years ago, when people still met in public and were not afraid to be approached by another individual to spark a conversation. Current times revolve around the digital space. I barely see any of my friends letting me know that they a really good guy for me to meet and introduce us. If the connection did not happen via some sort of dating app platform, than you never met.The internet even has found ways for people to find friends via online (eg. Bumble BFF). Seriously, it is truly sad, but, at the same time "Mad Genius".

With evolution to this digital life there are pros and cons. Let me provide you a short list. Preface, these are just my opinions. I am not speaking for anyone but myself. You all can formulate your own opinion.

Pros:

• Creates a larger network/pool of possible dates from your original circle of friends.
• You no longer truly have to go through a blind date. Profiles/pictures are easily accessible to give you a glimpse of who you are about to be sitting across on your date.
• I can date anywhere around the world with a swipe of a screen. (From vacations to a business trip, I've had my share of dates and company out for dinner and drinks.)
• Filter your options to your preferences of an ideal match. (If you want a 6'2'', brown hair, blue eyes, Brooklyn Hipster, that plays the Kazoo; then Amen, filter away to narrow your search.)
• If your mother asks if you are dating, you can easily show your cell phone full of various dating apps that you are on. You can even have her swipe for you.

Cons:

• Your judging a book by its cover way too fast, even before you meet up.
• One wrong swipe to the left, and you've lost your chances of seeing if there was a mutual interest.
• WAY WAY WAY TOO MANY OPTIONS- Guys (and even girls) have developed a mentality that they have an exuberant amount of choices. And so, if there is at least one minor flaw in the person they had a date with, they just move onto the next one.
• GHOSTING- Enough said there. (I could go on about this one, but I am sure you all have had a fair share of stories that either someone has ghosted you and you have ghosted others.) 

I wish this was not just my thought process, but check out this article in the Huffington Post. I think this hits the nail on the head regarding the current dating market of mine. Four Reasons Why You Can't Find a Nice Jewish Boy (My brother sent me this article and it just verified my current situation.)

The current question on everyone's mind in the single pool, how does one find love? Let's rephrase this. How does one find someone who likes you and wants to see you on an ongoing basis, that after 3 dates does not go running off to the next person on their dating app list that they matched with? Well I have a few tips and suggestions to help you continue your search for the "one".

Tips for Millenial Dater

• Most Important Thing I Could Tell You: Never give up hope. Things in life happen for a reason. The reason you are currently single is that it is meant to be and that greatness is coming. (I just can't tell you when, but it will happen, you will know it and everything will work out for the reasons that they do. There is a time and place for everything.)

• 2nd Most Important Thing:Work on yourself. While you have time to peruse the dating apps for potential suitors, you might as well also spend time perfecting yourself. This will be the only time that you can truly work on making yourself a better version of yourself without having to divide your focus on another individual. Take the time to workout, read, write, pick up a new hobby, build your career, venture out into the world solo and just do things that make YOU happy. I can go on and on about how my personal life as a single millenial adult in these times has been amazing. From transforming my body image/weight; to my ups and downs in my pharmaceutical career; to my adventures of travel; to the crazy dates I have had around the world. You do things to keep you busy and make them fun. Yes, you will have times that you think, "Ugh, I wish I had someone to do this with." But, you shouldn't worry about that. You are on your own pace in life and no one elses. So make the best of it. YOLO!

• Evolve with the time. Everyone is currently on the dating app bandwagon and it has come to existence with the evolution of the digital era. I tried to stay away from it for quite some time and eventually swallowed my pride and joined the circus. (Haha. That is the best way to describe the dating app pool. It is a circus full of varieties of acts. Spread yourself out on a few key dating apps that suit you. Yes, it may feel like work a bit and it is. No one said life comes easy. Everything involves a bit of work. Also, try to keep up with the dating app trends. Try out different apps and give it some time to see what type of people are also using them. As much as you will see the same folks across all platforms there may be a few newbies that you had not seen before. You'd be surprised that many times I may had not matched with someone on one app but on a different they were more likely to match and even reach out and start a conversation. 

• Pictures speak value. Everyone is quick to judge a book by its cover, so it is important to have a really good photo that stands out. I'm not saying you have to pose nude or be super provocative in your photos, but they need to be clear, concise, and truthful to who you are. You don't need to have 30 photos posted. No more than 5 photos and most of them of just you. I personally can not stand when the first photo I see is a group photo of 5 guys. (Soooo, which one am I going to go out with?) Your profile photo should be a recent single full body shot of you. Another photo should be you being active or a hobby you enjoy doing. Their should be some diversity in your pictures to show different sides of your character. Yes, this also means ever so often you need to update your profile photos to keep your profile up to date. If you must have a group photo, limit it to only one and it can not be your main profile picture.

• Put some effort into yourself. I know we can all get stuck in this rut of going on one off dates that lead no where and so you stop caring about how you look. You think, that the other person should like you for who you are. You need to put your mindset that you never know if this one date can lead to something greater. So, with that said, put some effort in that day to what your appearance is. A nice outfit (for both sexes) and a touch of make up (for females) can just add a bit of  "oomph". Also, ladies, I know when I put on a sexy lingerie set, it brings my mood up and makes me shine from the outside as well. I am not saying you are going to show it off to the guy that first date, but, it does allow me to be a bit more confident, sexy, and flirty. Guys, please do not come in your gym clothing to the date. Try to be presentable. Keep it simple with clean jeans or slacks with a button down and a blazer. Effort needs to be made from both parties.

• Get out of the same dating rut. Organize a fun date. I've gone through the motions like everyone else. The first date, we grab drinks after work somewhere convenient for the both of you. If there is commonality and the conversation is flowing, then we move drinks into dinner. If there is a next date, then we may end up doing the same thing over and over for sometime We may even "Netflix and Chill" back at one of the apartments. Well, I am tired of the alcohol and food (Even though how does one say no to yummy drinks and tasty food with good company). People, let's get creative. A date does not always have to revolve around boozing and getting a bit tipsy so we can be relaxed and in the zone for inhibition. Obviously the first few dates you are getting to know each other so you want to have an opportunity to hear each other's life stories, wants and needs. Well, that can be done in various settings with or without alcohol. Make it fun and interesting instead of the same old boring spots that are conveniently close to your apartments. Venture out and explore your neighboring neighborhoods. Take the opportunity to get out of your comfort zones. Find a commonality or something you both have not done before, or even something you want to show the other person that you enjoy. A date does not need to be expensive. It should be creative or at least showing you are trying to put some effort and thought behind it. If you can not think of anything, here are a few suggestions:
•  Walk the HighLine or any neighborhood with a cup of coffee or scoop of gelato. (Totally cheap but impressive).
•  Go to a jazz club (Subrosa has latin jazz, Rose Bar at the Gramercy Hotel and The Django Room at the Roxy Hotel gets some great jazz groups like Brian Newman coming through their doors several times a week.)
• Head over to Chelsea Piers for some swings on the Golf Range or take up some Rocking Climbing. (Show them how you can handle physical activity will get you both charged for other physical activity if it progresses)
• Get a table at a Comedy Club. (Every night of the week there are varieties of comedy shows going on from Comedy Cellar to the Upright Citizens Brigade etc.) 
• Spend time during the day like a Sunday brunch or riding a bike or checking out a museum or walking through a street fair. (Seeing someone during the day vs. night changes plenty. You may actually see what they look like for once. Haha...Usually we are sitting in a dimly lit setting, so you may not notice something about their physical appearance or even personality that may catch your attention.

• Give people a chance. This is quite hard to do with this digital time we are living in currently. We swipe left waayyy too fast, and many times before reading their profiles. We are all at fault for doing this. We are judging people too quickly and moving on before the other person has a chance to prove you wrong. Just because they have a deviated septum and make an odd breathing sound, does not mean their personality is genuine and they care for you in a way someone had not previously. Just because he may not have an ideal job you expected your partner to have, does not mean down the road, he may miraculously get that promotion or invent a crazy new device that will have him rolling in dollars and sailing the Mediterranean in a luxury yacht. NO ONE IS PERFECT. EVERYONE HAS FLAWS. A profile is just a few words to wet our palates. The true test will be to meet in person and take it from there. Ask your parents about when they dated, and how they still fell in love with their spouses despite certain flaws. How did they deal with the pet peeves or annoying habits or career hiccups? They worked through them and made compromises for each other. Our generation has to stop having so many deal breakers. You need to have a few that are just serious deal breakers and the rest are just minor things you can deal with. 

• Be Yourself! There is no point of pretending to be someone who you are not. Make sure you keep your profile honest and truthful about you. We all like to go on vacations and frolic on a beach than work. I get it, but maybe you should also add in your profile that you like to ride a unicycle and play the saxophone. When your on your date, stick to being you and not liking everything they say. If your a Republican and he is a Democrat, that's okay. Opposites attract. Eventually the other person will see past the act. You will be lucky if they question it and stay with you. Most will just walk away and move onto the next one because there is plenty for the picking in this digital market. They will be a few swipes away from finding their next dinner date.

There you have it. I, myself, try to stick to these tips. I have seen some great changes in my dating history when I apply a lot of this in my life. I have some other dating tips that I'll give you at a future times, but I felt these sum up a good chunk in the problem I see in today's dating game. 

So, take the time to reassess what you want at the moment. Update your profiles a tad to sound more like yourself and less like everyone else. When you snag a mutual swipe and begin conversation, move it to meeting in person and take the time to dress up and be in a good mood. You never know where it can lead to. Don't get discouraged if the date was not ideal. Give people the benefit of the doubt and give it another date. Maybe the second date you will learn something more about them that you did not discover the first night. And if you mutually agree it did not work out, than you can be at peace and move on to further swiping. Don't ghost them after the date. Have some respect for the person. 

Good luck to all in this current dating pool, and may the odds be ever in your favor!

Besos, 

Ilana 

My First Date Post Initial Weight Loss

“’Amor Fati’, Love your fate, which is in fact your life"

 ~ F. Nietzsche

Dear Fellow Blog Readers,

I hope you are keeping dry on this rainy Tuesday. It's no hurricane downpour, but it had me reminiscing of a date back in the day. 

From my recollection, I was about two and a half years into my journey of weight loss. I was beginning to accept and appreciate how far I had come. Like everyone at the time, the online dating scene was spreading like wildfire. Finding the right apps that fit you and what you were looking for was still a growing pain. Jdate, OKCupid and POF-Plenty of fish were in their heyday. I was signed up to all three. And all three to me seemed wrong. But since this was the fad, I had to go through with it. The first guy I met was from the OKCupid website. His name was Jay (For all intents and purposes of this blog.), a native Staten Islander who was, like me, a Russian Jew. Jay asked me to meet him for lunch on the weekend at a well known artisanal pizzeria joint called Pizzeria Giove. I was happy to experience something new for me since I hadn’t touched a slice of pizza in over 2 years. I was nervous prior to the date because I did not want to be the girl that just eats salads. I wanted to be normal and able to enjoy a normal meal. Sitting there with Jay was slightly nerve wrecking for me. But, after a few minutes of just breaking the ice and figuring out what we would order, I calmed down and eased into conversation better. We agreed on sharing a salad and pizza. (Best of both worlds.) 

As the date progressed, it turned out that he was the brother of a girl from a recent trip to Israel that I staffed. He knew the circle of friends I knew and particularly he knew my brother. That was a bit unsettling to me. I tried to get out of my brother's shadow for so long. My brother is like the sun and everything revolves around him in the social sector. And so, wherever I went, even without him, people were like, "Oh, your Jon's sister." If the guy knew my brother or other close friends, it was an automatic turn off for me because I wanted a life outside of those circles. I do not need the Russian Jewish Yentas' spreading gossip about my dating life before I could put in my two cents. (To this day, my brother and the Russian Jewish Yenta World is far reaching.)

Jay had a lisp and was not as tall as I had assumed based on his profile. He appeared sweet but a tad creepy as well. The date ended with him giving me a squeeze on my "tuchas" and saying he can’t wait to see me again. Not knowing how to react to such a gesture, I just continued to close the door of my vehicle and drive off like no one's business. His attempts of contacting me for future dates and additional time to get to know each other were persistent. Eventually, I let him down gently by stating I only saw him as a friend and nothing more. (I probably should have said the famous Seinfeld line, "It's me, not you".)

That first date and experience was a good stepping stone to ease me into the current dating culture at the time. As much as it went no where after the first meeting, it was great for me to understand what I like and what I did not like in a man while on the date.

We remained in touch from time to time. During Hurricane Sandy, he called me during that evening asking for help to call 911. His home was in the process of being flooded by the rising water. He was unable to get in touch with emergency services to rescue him and his family. My phone call finally reaching 911 helped them escape that evening. We reconnected a year after that yet again, this time on JSwipe. I obliged to meet him for drinks at Ho-Brah taco joint on Staten Island. I really did try to see past all the negatives from last time, but he had not changed. He never developed himself further to make himself more marketable or a better person. He talked about the same things. I again had to play the "let’s just be friends" card and have not heard from him since. 

Well, there you have it, my first date post weight loss for the books. Who knows what my life will have in store for me, but for now, I'll enjoy every bump and path in the road. 

Besos, 

Ilana